Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
