i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
