I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
