i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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