I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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