he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
