The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
