Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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