I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
