I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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