I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
