Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
