My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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