You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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