Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
