Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
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I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.