How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE