we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
