I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
