The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
