Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
