I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
