we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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