im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
