yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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