there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
