Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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