I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
