Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
