Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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