I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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