I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
