Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
