The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
