when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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