Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
