last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
