hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
