Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize