time to smoke my breakfast
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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