so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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