yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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