Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
