Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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