I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
