Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
