Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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