I got her a Nickelback box set.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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