6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
