totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
