Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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