I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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