Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
