you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's like iHOP with fire
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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