He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
