The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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