drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
