There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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