I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
