OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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